This is the story of my wonderful baby, Louis Alexander Santry........
I have been a childrens nanny for the past 20 years. I always knew that one day i would have a baby of my own. I'd given so much love to the children i'd looked after and knew that i wanted to share that with my own baby one day.
I met a wonderful man, and we thought the world of each other. We both felt it only natural to try for the baby we both longed for.
After only one month of trying we were so pleased we had fallen pregnant. To say we were excited is an 'understatement'.
I didn't have an easy pregnancy. I was sick every day, but it didn't stop me smiling. I can remember walking to the local village, (i lived in Ireland at the time), and i was thinking that everyone knew i was pregnant as my tummy stuck out so much. Bless me....i was only two weeks pregnant at the time!!
I had a few extra scans because i felt my tummy was so very hard. Each time i was reassured that my beautiful baby was fine. Infact, the midwife at one visit said that mine was the liveliest baby she'd ever seen!
When I went for my 33 week scan I chatted away merrily to the midwife. She took lots of photo's and poked my tummy. I laughed as she said she was trying to turn my little boy around. My little boy wouldn't move. I thought 'he is stubborn just like his mummy'!
The midwife said she couldn't see inside his tummy. I said "he must have one". She said "don't worry as there is a simple explanation. Sometimes when little boys 'wee' their tummys get clouded making them difficult to see." She told me not to worry and said for me to return on the following monday for another scan.
Off I went to book my next appointment. As I was approaching the desk another midwife tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I would come and see the consultant straight away. He asked if I was worried about anything, and naturally I said about what the midwife had just told me. He said that the 'worst case senario' would be that my little boy had developed a hernia, and if this was the case they would put it right as soon as he was born.
I returned to work. I was looking after 3 lovely children, and had been with the family for 7 years. I told their mummy , about my experiences, as she too was a consultant at the same hospital. She also told me that there was nothing to worry about. I didn't give it another thought and spent the weekend buying more baby things for my boy.
The following monday morning, february 20th 2006, at 6:30am, my waters broke! I drove myself to the hospital, and was seen by a lovely midwife, who set about monitoring my little boys heart rate right away.
The lady I worked for came to the hospital straight away.
The doctor who attended told me I was in labour, and that I needed an injection for my babys lungs. The midwife gave me the injection in my leg, and I joked, "my baby's lungs aren't down there!". She laughed and said no one had said that before.
After a while I was taken by lift to the labour ward. On route though the doctors decided that it would be better to take me straight to theatre! All i could think of was how happy i was going to be to at last have my own baby, without having to hand him back to anyone at the end of each day.
My baby boy was monitored and they decide to deliver him straight away. My consultant said not to worry as if there were a hernia then he would be taken to a hospital in Dublin, and all would be well.
At 8:12am my beautiful baby boy entered the world. I didn't see him but the midwife showed me his little blue tag with baby boy on!
Then they wheeled him off wrapped up in a lovely blue blanket. I looked across and spotted the back of his tiny perfect head.
I was wheeled into another room, and I was so excited. Two midwives popped their heads in and looked at me.My friend asked if i wanted to tell my family in England, but I said not until I had my precious baby bundle in my arms.I knew they would be over the moon though.
After two hours of laughing and smiling a doctor entered the room. I will never ever forget what he told me. He put his hand on mine and spoke quietly. Although i'd heard what he said i hadn't fully taken it in. I said "it's ok, I can cope with anything". He said "I'm sorry you did not hear what I said Sandra your little boy is very ill he has Edward Syndrome. he has about 1 hour to live."
I asked for my friends to come back into the room, and I relayed what was said. They broke down and cried.Only then did I realise my so much wanted baby was going to die.
The priest was called in and I named my strong little baby boy. I must admit I was in a state of shock, but finally called him
LOUIS ALEXANDER SANTRY.
They wheeled me in to see my little boy. He was the most perfect little baby boy you ever could have wished for. He looked so well that I asked the midwife if the doctors could have made a mistake! She cried and said "I am so sorry Sandra, no". She pointed to Louis's chest and explained that all of his organs were up in his chest. This explained why they couldn't see inside louis' tummy at the scan!
The priest came in and blessed my beautiful baby boy. It broke my heart so much. I loved and wanted him so much, more than anything in the world! Louis looked up at me. The midwife pointed out that his heart rate went up, and said it was because he knew I was his mummy.
That look on my precious babys face will stay with me as long as I live. Louis was so perfect. He held onto my finger with his tiny little pink fingers. My brave little soft Louis clung onto his life for 32 hours!
When I went back to see him the next morning his little face was all grey. I knew it was time to say goodbye. I told him that I loved him more than anything in the whole wide world, but he couldn't carry on with this hard battle. I hugged him goodbye and left noenatal. I couldn't look back at him. How could i knowing i was going to loose my whole future?
My little Louis was so brave. I know he will remain in my heart forever.
R.I.P Louis ...
I now have set up a forum for bereaved parents please take a look as I feel we need all the suppport we can possibly get..

http://lifeafterdeath.forumup.co.uk